That Big Green Tractor was published!

My Short Story, about my struggle after Knox died is summed up in my short story, That Big Green Tractor. I have entered it for publication, and wrote it specifically for a book that is in the early stages of publishing that will be called 'From Lullabies to Goodbyes'. It is directed for families who are dealing with the loss of an infant to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

I was lucky enough to find out that a girlfriend of mine, had lost a brother to SIDS when she was younger. Her mother is the Executive Director of the NW Infant Survial & SIDS Alliance. It's always crazy how those thing come to light after something terrible happens. Her mother asked if I would allow them to post my short story to their website as a resource for other bereaved families. Of course, I said 'yes!'

I wanted to share that it could be viewed on their site www.nwsids.org . If you scroll down the page some, below the masquarade auction information, you will see the title 'That Big Green Tractor'.

I invite you to read it!

TEARS Foundation, and the upcoming Walk and Rock!

Baby Knox @ 38 weeks or so. Ultrasound taken at Sonosite Ultrasounds in Bothell, WA.

Imagine planning and setting up a nursery for a child you’ve expected for nine months. You spend as much time and money as you can to have every necessity for when you get to bring your bundle of joy home, and be as prepared for them as possible. Many people take time off of work to become familiar with their new child and very few get paid for the 6-12 weeks they take off to recover from childbirth and caring for a newborn as they prepare to go back into the workforce.

Our First Family Photo with our healthy baby boy and his big sister.

Now, imagine that you’ve done this and then you didn’t get to bring your precious baby home with you, or you get home and use the resources you’ve lined up to have your precious baby die due to one reason or another. You now have to continue with your life, with no child to cuddle and hold; stressed about finances because your baby has died. This is a reality for many families in our communities.

I am making this blog post to tell you about the TEARS Foundation. This is a foundation that helps families out in their worst and most difficult times. I can tell you from experience that losing a child is the most horrible thing that a parent can ever endure. On top of this emotional burden, there is the added financial stress of planning and paying for a funeral or memorial service along with cremation or burial costs associated with the death. Knox and his big sister, Zoe Summer 2009.

All this; after you’ve exhausted yourself financially for this wonderful gift to arrive! Unfair, cruel and devastating are only a few of the words I can use to describe the feelings that a newly bereaved parent feels.

This is a short segment about the TEARS Foundation, that was filmed by King 5 News in Seattle, and we were lucky enough to be included in their story.

I am familiar with the TEARS Foundation because on August 17th of 2009, I found my infant son, Knox unresponsive and unconscious in his bassinet during his afternoon nap. After a long struggle to save him myself; being transported by ambulance to Providence Everett Medical Center, and airlifted to Seattle Children’s Hospital; Knox died from his extensive injuries while Sudden Infant Death Syndrome stole his life. On top of our roller coaster ride of discovering my child dead in his bed, being resuscitated by E.M.T.s, fighting to live in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and eventually dying we now needed to plan how we were going to pay for his cremation and memorial service. We had, like so many other unprepared families used a very large portion of our savings on preparing to add another precious child into the family; buying a crib, clothes, diapers and other necessities and left us with very little for such a large cost, so suddenly. The TEARS Foundation stepped in, and paid for about half of Knox’s memorial service and cremation costs. Had they not helped, our four-month-old son may have sat for days or weeks in the funeral home until we could organize the funds to cremate his little body and bring him home one last time. We are blessed enough to have such amazing families that were able to cover the remaining costs beyond what the TEARS Foundation weren't able to cover.

Our family at the March of Dimes, March for Babies May 2009, Knox was the youngest 'walker' there at only two weeks old!

The TEARS Foundation is a local (Washington State Based) 501c(3) non-profit organization that seeks to assist bereaved parents with the financial expenses they face in making the final arrangements for their precious baby who has died. Many of the founders and volunteers at the TEARS Foundation have experienced the loss of their own baby, and want to reach out in this way to support newly bereaved families in their devastating time of sorrow. The TEARS Foundation relies on donations from caring people and businesses in order to have sufficient funds on hand to offer assistance as needed.



Through this tragedy in my life, I am determined to help other families who have lost children. Many people, grandparents and parents alike do not realize that premature birth, birthing problems, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, many types of illness and cancers actually do kill thousands of babies in our Country each year. I am posting this up to ask if you would be willing or able to make a fully tax-deductible donation to the TEARS Foundation to help other devastated families make it through the hardest days of their lives.




Please check out the TEARS Foundation’s website: www.TheTEARSFoundation.org to learn more about them. We are taking part in their annual 'Walk and Rock' at Safeco Field, in Seattle on June 26th just days after our wedding to support their cause and earn donations towards their amazing cause. Feel free to look at Knox's Team site, and donate their if you wish to. You can also see his videos, photos of read his story in more detail.

I hope you enjoy the videos of our little guy during his time on this earth! We miss him dearly, and I wanted to share the last photo I ever got to take of him, before heading out shopping with him and his big sister that afternoon. This photo is from Sunday August 16th, 2009. I found him unresponsive August 17th, and he passed August 18th.

Knox, Sunday August 16th 2009 headed to the Northgate Mall with mom to meet Auntie Jessica!

Again, any donations are appreciated! www.firstgiving.com/teamknox

Sympathy Card

It's no secret on here that our son, Knox died at 4 months from SIDS. It's been just over 8 months now, since he died and his first birthday was recent. It's a horrible thing, and completely sporatic and random, as far as our son being super healthy, happy and adorable dying without any warning. Nothing can prepare someone for losing a child.

On the Cricut message boards, there is the job of being a 'card fairy' and I signed up right away to send cards to people who need cheering up, hellos, happy birthdays or anything else people ask for. My first mission to make a card for a family who lost their 9 month old son last week. I don't actually know them, their family or anything about the situation, other than it was completely out of nowhere and wasn't expected or prepared for. I was trying to think of the cards that meant the most to me when I got them after Knox died. We appreciated every card, but I think the most meaningful was a book from a friend, who had also lost a child. Her beautiful daughter, Kailey Pearl was stillborn. I've known this friend for a long while, we met working together and I grew to love her like a big sister. I really didn't know about her daughter until we started spending time together outside of work, and of course before I had children. I didn't know how to react or how to feel when she shared Kailey's story and little belongings with me at the time, now I know that was probably the most generous open-hearted thing she could have done; sharing her child's belongings with someone she didn't know very well.

Anyways, after Knox died my friend gave me a book at his funeral, and I read it cover to cover fairly quickly, it meant a lot to me to know that people can be 'okay' and survive something so horrible. For the family, I made a pretty simple card, because it doesn't mean anything extra for it to be fancy. I am also mailing them a few books I've enjoyed reading, and meant a lot to me. Like I said, I don't know them from adam but I hope that the books I send will at least help them to begin healing. I'm also including a letter I wrote for the wife and one for the husband as well. I don't think that people remember that the husbands are hurting too, people are too busy thinking about the moms. I know we had a lot of support, but it just isn't as mainstream to be there mentally for the husbands while they try and hold the pieces together, and provide for the family at the same time.