I'm writing this because today is especially hard for me. Blaze, the Boston Terrier we added to our family last August, had to be euthanized yesterday.
This breaks my heart, but for more than just the obvious reason. Not only had he become a replacement of our last dog, Sophie; who filled a bit of a void that Knox had left behind when he left but he had also opened Zoe up to loving him like a brother. He came to work with me and the kids (he was one of them!). He started having seizures in December, and they were the worse seizures medical literature describes. He lost all bowel movement, had muscle spasms, lost his mind and wandered around aimlessly for a day or so afterwards until he finally remembered who we were and where he was.
My problem with being a mom today is that I woke up my daughter in her bed this morning gently to her sobbing. When she fully woke up so was so distraught about Blaze being gone that she cried all through getting dressed, making breakfast and trying to leave for our day. She kicked things and yelled and was furious when I had to tell her that we couldn't go pick up someone else's dog and bring it to work. She didn't want to go to school, because she feels too sad. This is a girl who lives for school, so it really hit home how bad she was hurting.
I called my mom (bless that woman) in tears on the way to work because my baby was hurting so badly and I had nothing left in my bag to make her feel better. Death sucks. Death hurts. Death is something a mom can't even fix. Grandma & Papa made it a little better though.
My Step-dad (who helped my bury Blaze yesterday) offered to come pick her up with my mom and take her to pick a plant to decorate Blaze's spot in their backyard and put rocks around it. So, Zoe went with them this morning. She just got back a little bit ago and is much happier. She 'gave him and his flowers a drink of water' and talked to him. She told him how she missed him. She told him how she loved him. She told him how she was sorry he had seizures that we couldn't stop.
Today is just tough. I'm fine. But, that's about it.